Perseverance Rover Found a "Visitor From Outer Space" on Mars? Don't Get Your Hopes Up.

Okay, so Perseverance found a "visitor from outer space" – a shiny rock. Big deal. NASA's patting itself on the back, the media's hyping it up, and everyone's acting like we just found definitive proof of, I dunno, little green men selling timeshares on the red planet.

Another Rock? Seriously?

Let's be real: it's a freakin' rock. A meteorite, maybe. They're calling it "Phippsaksla," which sounds like something you'd cough up after a night of bad lutefisk. And it's got "high levels of iron and nickel." So what? My toaster has high levels of iron and nickel. Does that mean my kitchen's about to become an interstellar port of call? I don't think so.

They even admit that other rovers – Curiosity, Opportunity, Spirit – have already found this kind of crap all over Mars. So, Perseverance is just late to the party?

The article says, and I quote, "each discovery has helped scientists better understand how meteorites interact with the Martian surface over time." Oh, well that's just fascinating, ain't it? We're spending billions of dollars to watch rocks rust.

And offcourse, they need to fire lasers at it. Lasers! I mean, come on.

The Mars Sample Return Fiasco

But here's the kicker. Remember the Mars Sample Return mission? The one where Perseverance was supposed to collect all these amazing rocks, including maybe a chunk of Phippsaksla, and ship them back to Earth for us to fondle and poke in our fancy labs? Yeah, that's probably dead. NASA’s Mars Sample Return Mission in Jeopardy as U.S. Considers Abandoning Retrieval

Trump wanted to kill it, because it was “financially unstable." Classic. Like anything in space exploration isn't financially unstable. Nelson, that ex-Senator who used to run NASA, he was all "Oh no, it's too expensive!" Give me a break. You think finding life on Mars is gonna be cheap?

Now, apparently, it's up to Congress to decide whether to "rescue the beleaguered mission." Beleaguered? It's a freakin' hostage situation! We've got these potentially groundbreaking samples sitting on another planet, and we're too busy arguing about budget overruns to go get them.

And what if they do get the funding? What then? Elon Musk swoops in with Starship? Jeff Bezos throws money at it? We're gonna rely on billionaires to save science?

Habitable? Maybe. Worth It?

Then there's the whole "habitable" angle. The NYU Abu Dhabi study says water flowed beneath Martian sand dunes "suggesting the planet may have supported habitable conditions for far longer than researchers once believed." Mars Was Habitable for Far Longer Than We Thought, New Study Reveals

Okay, so Mars might have been habitable at some point. So what? Venus is about the same size as earth. Maybe Venus was habitable at some point. Does that mean we should pack our bags and move there? No, because it's a hellscape. Just like Mars probably was and is.

But wait, are we really supposed to believe that water flowing under sand dunes is evidence of life? I mean, I've seen puddles in the desert. Doesn't make it a tropical paradise.

I dunno...Maybe I'm just being cynical. Maybe this rock is a game-changer. Maybe the Mars Sample Return mission will be saved. Maybe we'll find life on Mars, and it'll all be sunshine and rainbows. But I doubt it. I really, really doubt it.

So, What's the Real Story?

It's a rock. A shiny rock. On Mars. Get over it. And let's get those samples back to Earth before China beats us to it.